


birds singing in the sycamore trees

by Dawn



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Angst, Bad Parenting, F/F, Growing up Holtzmann, Homophobia, Seriously there is a lot of angst, and hurt, and some comfort, things do get better
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-14 20:43:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8028298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dawn/pseuds/Dawn
Summary: Jillian was six years old, when she saw the words ‘Yep, I’m gay’ sprawled on the cover of the Times magazine. Or the story of Jillian Holtzmann.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second attempt at writing Ghostbusters fanfic. This is pretty much the story of Holtzmann, and how she became to be who she is today. There will be a lot of angst, 'cause I love torturing the characters who I love. But there will be happy times in between, and in the end. Eventual Holtzbert. 
> 
> Sasha is from the movie Life Partners, just so you have a picture of her in your mind.

Jillian was six years old, when she saw the words _‘Yep, I’m gay’_ sprawled on the cover of the Times magazine. 

 

“Mom, what does gay mean?” She has been staring at her mother and the magazine she’s reading for the past half an hour, which has distracted her from her math problems, and her father will be home soon, and Jillian knows that he will want to look over them. 

 

Juliet Holtzmann lets out a long sigh. “It’s when a person is in a relationship with another person who is the same sex as them. A woman is with a woman or a man with a man.”

 

Jillian crunches up her nose a little bit, as she does her best to wrap her head around the information. “Oh, ew, gross.”

 

Juliet smiles a little bit. “Mhmhh. Now go back to your math problems. It’s really nothing for you to be concerned about.”

 

* * *

 

One time, when she’s kissing her best friend turned girlfriend for one of the first times, fifteen-year-old Jillian has a sort of a flashback to her six-year-old self being all “Eww gross” at the thought of gay people. She hasn’t thought of it before, but her mind is a beautiful thing, and she can’t help but to laugh. 

 

“What’s so funny?” Sasha asks. “Do I have something on my face? Is it my hair?”

 

“Yes. You have super kissable lips on your face.” Jillian leans in to kiss the brunette once more. “And a really cute nose.” She kisses Sasha’s nose. “And I think I could forever be lost in your eyes,” she just stares into those brown eyes with a grin on her lips. 

 

Sasha smiles and shakes her head. “You are pretty cute yourself, Jill.” She traces her hand over Jillian’s lips and smiles. “I like this. Us.”

 

“I like this, too,” Jillian murmurs into Sasha’s neck, as she is working on leaving a very noticeable hickey there.

 

“Jillian, not so… Not there. I don’t want to have a hickey where everyone can see it.” She softly pushes her girlfriend – God, it feels so awesome to even think that – away from her. “We agreed, it’s a secret for now.” She has known Jillian Holtzmann long enough to know that real world things sometimes get lost on her, and need repeating. 

 

The blonde teenager sighs and leans back against the bed. “I know. I remember. I just…” She closes her eyes for a moment to think. “I got carried away, sorry. But I mean, I know… And I think my mom would kind of freak out, too, anyway.”

 

Sasha cuddles up against the other girl, resting her head on her boobs. “I know. But it’s okay. I like having you all to myself. And it’s kind of exciting, right? That we are the only two people who know about this.”

 

“Yeah, exciting, sure.” She kisses the top of Sasha’s head and wraps her arm around the brunette. 

 

“At least this way, we can still have sleepovers.”

 

Jillian snorts. “Like you’re going to be getting a lot of sleep with me around.”

 

* * *

 

It’s almost two months later when Juliet Holtzmann finds out. 

 

It’s a Monday afternoon, and Jillian is supposed to be home alone. She’s watching _But I’m a Cheerleader_ on her laptop with this goofy grin on her face because it’s such a perfect, silly movie and the girls are kissing and they are having sex, and she could watch the movie about a hundred more times. 

 

She doesn’t hear her mom calling out to her until it’s too late. “Jillian Josephine Holtzmann, what the _Hell_ is that?”

 

It’s too late. She wants to hide her laptop, force it shut, do something that her mom wouldn’t see, but it’s too late. It’s too _fucking_ late, and she has no one but herself to blame for it. She stares at her mother, thinking what to say. She opens her mouth, but no sound comes out. And she feels like crying. She is going to cry any moment now. 

 

“I asked you, what is that? Why are you watching that… that _filth_?”

 

 _Oooh boy_. Jillian had hoped and dreamed that maybe, just maybe, her mom would be okay with the whole gay thing. But there she is, calling the movie filth, and Jillian can’t help but to flinch. “It’s a movie, mom.” She’s starting to feel the tears forming behind her eyes, and it’s starting to be really difficult to breathe. 

 

“Are you…,” she hesitates for a moment as if she is afraid to ask the question, as if she doesn’t know how. “Are you a lesbian, Jillian?”

 

There are real tears now. She’s really crying, and she can barely breathe. Fuck, fuck fuck. What is she going to say? How is she going to get out of this? She stares at her floor, at the bit of carpet that she scorched when she tried to build her first laser, age ten. “No…. I don’t know… Yes.” She can’t lie. She has been caught red-handed, the cat is out of the bag, and she doesn’t know how to put the damned feline back in there anymore. Would there be a point in lying, anyway? Would her mother believe her?

 

That’s when she realizes that the older woman has been quiet for far too long, rooted on her spot. “I’m sorry, mom,” the words are barely a whisper. She isn’t sorry for being gay, not anymore, but she is sorry that she can’t be everything her mom has dreamed for her. She is sorry for not being normal, no matter how many times Juliet Holtzmann has asked that of her. 

 

Her mother breathes in and out deeply, closes her eyes for some moments and then nods. “Okay.” She nods again, and breathes in deeply again, and Jillian is becoming a little scared. “I’m going to the store now. When I get back, I don’t want to see you in this house.”

 

Jillian’s brows furrow and she really can’t breathe anymore. “Mom?” There is panic in her voice 

 

“I want you out of this house.” Without another word, she turns around on the spot and walks away. A few minutes later, Jillian can hear the front door open and close. She sits on her bed for a solid five minutes, before she can even bring herself to move.

 

It takes her about twenty minutes to pack her things. Who would have thought, right? She grabs some clothes, the money her grandparents have sent her for birthdays and Christmas the past year, the money she had been saving for a trip to CERN, some equipment that’s not too heavy and her laptop. At the last moment, she also grabs her guitar. That’s it. All of her life fits into a backpack and a duffel bag. 

 

* * *

 

As soon as she has established a good distance between herself and her home – the house – she realizes she doesn’t really have anywhere to go. She wanders to a nearby park, just so she would have somewhere to sit down. Her mind is uncharacteristically empty, and she has no idea what she’s going to do. 

 

She’s fucking fifteen years old, and she is homeless. This was not supposed to have happened. She was always so careful. “Fuck,” she breathes out the word, closes her eyes and just concentrates on inhaling and exhaling. In and out. In and out. It’s more difficult than she ever remembers breathing being. 

 

It’s dark outside when she finally knocks on Sasha’s front door. 

 

Thankfully, it’s the brunette herself who answers. “Hi, Holtzy,” she smiles, when she sees her girlfriend. And a moment later, she sees all the stuff, and the smile fades. “What happened?”

 

“My mom kicked me out. Can I… Can I stay here for a few nights? Please?” She doesn’t know where else to go.

 

Sasha steps outside to hug Jillian, and it takes every bit of willpower she has not to start crying again. 

 

“I’ll talk to my parents. But don’t worry, I won’t let them say no.”

 

“Thank you.” She follows Sasha into her house, and waits by the door, while the brunette goes into the kitchen. It feels awkward, just standing there. But she doesn’t want to take her things into Sasha’s bedroom yet. Not before her parents say yes. She can’t handle another rejection right now. 

 

“Can Jillian stay here for a few night? Her mom kicked her out.” 

 

Oh. She can hear them. Shit. 

 

“What? Oh my God. Is she alright? Why?” 

 

Sasha hesitates in her answer, and all Jillian can think of is please don’t tell them, please don’t tell them. 

 

“It’s… I didn’t… Does it matter?” Sasha has become a master at avoiding the subject. 

 

“Of course it matters. What if she was doing drugs or something like that?”

 

“She is not doing drugs, mom. It’s Jillian.”

 

The blond girl pinches her nose and takes a deep breath. Then she walks into the kitchen, determination in her step. “Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Waldorf. I’m not doing drugs of any kind, and I’m not doing anything illegal, otherwise. My mom just found out that I’m gay, and she wasn’t all that happy about the thought.” She attempts to make a joke, to show them that she’s _fine_ really. 

 

Sasha is staring at Jillian, her eyes almost popping out of her skull.

 

“Oh.” Mrs. Waldorf nods. “Okay. We can think what to do tomorrow, then. It’s late. You two should go to sleep. Have you had anything to eat, Jillian?”

 

She shakes her head no. “But it’s okay. I’m not really hungry, anyway.” Her throat is pretty damn dry by now, though. 

 

“Oh, nonsense.” It’s Mr. Waldorf talking now. “You two go upstairs. I’ll bring you something to eat and drink.”

 

“Thank you.” Jillian turns around before they can change their minds or say anything else. 

 

“Let me help you with your stuff,” Sasha grabs the guitar in one hand and holds on to Jillian’s hand with the other. 

 

They don’t really talk. Sasha tries, but Jillian says that she’s not ready yet, that she doesn’t know what to say exactly. She needs to process this all first, collect the data and analyze it. So Jillian eats, they both get dressed for bed (Jillian has to borrow some PJs from Sasha, as she forgot to pack some of her own), and go to sleep. Jillian figures she won’t be able to sleep at all, but Sasha wraps her arm around her waist and holds her close, whispering “I love you,” in her ear before Jillian closes her eyes, and sleep comes surprisingly easy. She hadn’t even realized how tired she was. 

 

 

Sasha wakes up in the middle of the night to some strange sounds. She opens her eyes to see light coming from the en-suite bathroom, and that’s where the sound is coming from. She bites her lip, before getting out of the bed and quietly approaching Jillian. “Hi,” she whispers, as she stands next to her. 

 

Jillian is sitting on the floor, right next to the toilet, her knees tightly against her chest, and her face buried in her hands. She’s sobbing. She looks like a small, delicate ball. 

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” she looks up at Sasha, raising her head from her hands. “I just woke up, and I couldn’t…”

 

“It’s okay,” Sasha slides down onto the floor next to her girlfriend and wraps her in her arms, squeezing as tightly as she can. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m your girlfriend.” She kisses Jillian’s head and soothes her blond hair. “I’m here.” 

 

She doesn’t ask anything, or really say anything, and Jillian is grateful. They stay there on the floor until the sun has come up. When they go back to bed, she’s still crying, but Sasha holds her tight, and somehow Jillian manages to fall back asleep. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

When she wakes the next morning, Sasha is gone. She stays in bed, just lying there, for a little while longer. She’s not quite ready to face the world yet. But after about fifteen minutes she figures that another half an hour isn’t going to help, so she heads downstairs. 

 

“How long have you two been together?”

 

“Why didn’t you tell us before?”

 

The voices are coming from the living room, and Jillian stops on the stairs, not sure if she should disturb them or not.

 

“A little more than two months. And can you really blame me, mom, with what happened to Jillian?”

 

Oh. Sasha told her parents. So they know. Jillian just blinks, not sure what to make of it all. They seemed pretty okay with it all last night, but Jillian’s not their daughter. Sasha is. 

 

“Oh honey, we would never…”

 

“We’ll talk about this all later. First, I think we need to figure something out for Jillian.”

 

“She was asleep half an hour ago. I’ll go see if she has woken up or not.”

 

That’s her cue. She walks down the stairs, trying to make some sort of sound as she goes. She meets Sasha in the hallway. “Morning,” she whispers, giving her a quick kiss, trying to force a smile. 

 

* * *

 

Sasha’s parents sit her down in the living room after breakfast. “We don’t mind having you here, Jillian, I hope you understand that, but this isn’t a permanent solution.”

 

She looks at Mr. Waldorf and nods. “I know.”

 

“And you can absolutely stay for as long as is necessary until we figure something out. Something good.”

 

“Thanks, Mrs. Waldorf.”

 

“I can try to talk to your mom about it all, dear. Is that alright with you?” 

 

Jillian just shrugs. “Sure. I don’t know if it’ll do any good, though.”

 

“Okay. We’ll try. What about your dad?”

 

“Haven’t seen him since I was six.” In fact, Jillian wasn’t even sure if he was still alive or not. After he and her mom got divorced, he moved a few states away. At first, he’d come to visit or call, but over time, it became less and less, and then there were no calls or visits. 

 

“Oh.”

 

“Do you have any other relatives? Aunts, uncles, grandparents?”

 

Jillian nodded at Mr. Waldorf’s question. “Yeah, but I’m not sure if anyone of them would take me. I don’t even have all of their phone numbers or addresses.”

 

“Okay, well, you can tell us what you know, and we will talk to them. Is that okay?”

 

“Yeah, Mrs. Waldorf. Sounds great. Thanks.” She pauses for a second, before continuing. “And I mean, if that doesn’t work out, there are other options. I think I could get emancipated from my mom, and then I can get a job somewhere, maybe at a diner or something like that…” She doesn’t count on any of her relatives saying yes. And it never hurts to have a plan B. Or C or Y. This situation has shown her the necessity more than anything. 

 

“That’s good as a backup plan, but we know you only have one more year or high school to go,” Mr. Waldorf looks at her. “And Sasha has told us you want to go to MIT. We need to first see if we can make all of that happen.”

 

Jillian just nods, again. “Right. Thanks.” She tells them everything she knows about her relatives and then heads back to Sasha’s room. 

 

They don’t really talk, at first, they just lie there on Sasha’s bed, with Jillian’s head resting on her stomach, and Sasha keeps softly stroking her blond hair. But it’s enough for Jillian. It’s comforting, and she doesn’t feel like she needs to talk just yet. She still doesn’t know how to put all the words together. 

 

She’s not sure how long they have been there like that, just lying there, and Jillian thinks that maybe Sasha has fallen asleep because she’s not stroking her hair anymore. “It was just a movie. I was just watching But I’m a Cheerleader, and she walked in.”

 

Sasha starts to stroke Jillian’s hair again but doesn’t say anything. 

 

“She was not supposed to be home, and I didn’t hear her, and I’m so fucking stupid.” Jillian squeezes her eyes shut. She doesn’t want to cry right now. Not again. “I could have lied. I could have denied everything. But she was right there, and asking me if I was a lesbian, and I told the fucking truth. I mean, I know the numbers. About twenty-six percent of LGBT youths are forced to leave their homes and thirty to forty percent attempt suicide, amongst other things.” 

 

She feels her Sasha shaped pillow tense under her. “I’m not… I don’t want to kill myself,” she whispers, looking up at Sasha for a moment, before continuing. There are tears in her eyes by now, softly falling down her cheeks and dropping onto Sasha’s T-shirt. She thought about, for a moment, when she was sitting on the park bench the previous night. She just felt like she wasn’t needed anymore, she was nothing, and maybe it would just be easier… But she knows what happens to the human brain upon death, and she couldn’t completely shut down hers just yet. She still has so much to discover and learn. 

 

“She didn’t even yell or anything. I don’t know if it would have made things easier or not. I apologized… And then she was just quiet for a while before she announced unceremoniously that she is going to the store and when she gets back, she does not want to see me in the house anymore.” She sighs, and sniffles. “And that’s the story of how I became homeless.” Her jokes are really not packing the punch right now.

 

“I’m sorry your mom’s such a cunt,” Sasha says after a while. “But… It’ll be fine. You’ll always have me, and we’ll think of something.”

 

Jillian nods against Sasha’s stomach and wipes some of the tears away. “Right.” Still, she couldn’t shake the feeling that Mrs. and Mr. Waldorf were going to come up empty-handed in their search, because who would want her? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the first chapter! Hope you enjoyed. Please let me know if you liked it (or hated it, really) and if you would like to see more.
> 
> Also, if anyone would be up for beta reading for me, holla?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was four days since she became homeless, four days since everything came crashing down around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is chapter two! A bit more happy and fluffy, to balance out everything in the first chapter. Also, I changed Sasha's last name from Waldorf to Brown, as it sounded better in my head. I have also updated the tags a little bit, and will do this as I get along with the story.

It was four days since she became homeless,  four days since everything came crashing down around her. She knows that Mr. and Mrs. Brown have been talking to her relatives. She knows that Mrs. Brown talked to her mother, Jillian heard her mention it to Mr. Brown. Before she could really learn anything of that conversation, though, she just bolted upstairs to Sasha’s room. If her mom was sorry or wanted her to come back home, she would have been here already, right? But she wasn’t. 

 

Instead, Jillian is sat on the Browns’ back porch, book in her hand, doing her best to concentrate on the words on the page. She had wanted to give them all a little bit space. She was feeling like she was always hanging around them, and while she loves Sasha, she did not want to coddle the other girl, or suffocate her.  

 

“What are you reading there?” 

 

She looks up to see Mr. Brown standing in the door. She just raises the book to reveal the title: _Lectures on Nuclear Models and Nuclear Matter_.

 

“Some light reading, huh?” Mr. Brown chuckles and sits down next to her. 

 

She shrugs her shoulders. “It’s comforting.” She isn’t even sure what it was, and she wasn’t sure why, but this had been her favorite book for a few years now. “It’s my favorite.”

 

“Sasha’s favorite is _Fingersmith_ by Sarah Waters. That should have been a clue for us. Or I guess it would have been, had I looked up what it’s all about.” He shakes his head and leans back against the chair. “So, are you alright, Jillian?”

 

She shrugs her shoulders, again. “I’ll have to get back to you on that.” 

 

He nods his head. “Yeah, understandable.” He sighs and waits a few moments before he starts talking again. “We have been trying to reach your relatives the last couple of days.” 

 

The way he starts his speech, she can’t help but to feel like nothing good is coming next. He’s too careful. “Oh. Right.” She wants to ask how it went but is almost too afraid to ask. 

 

“Bad news is, no one on your mother’s side of the family can take you in right now.” 

 

The way he said it, that right now, Jillian knows what it means. It means that they don’t want a dyke in their house any more than her mother did. She had expected it, but still, hearing it out loud like that… It fucking hurt. “Right. So, I guess I should look into getting emancipated then. I’ve been doing some research on the Internet about it and –“

 

“Wait, no, no. Sorry, I should have started with saying that I have both bad news and good news.” He sighs and runs his hand over his face. “Sorry, Jillian. I didn’t mean to…” He makes some sort of a hand gesture between them, which Jillian isn’t sure what it’s supposed to mean.  “We managed to contact your dad. He’s away in Europe right now because of work. But he will be back in the States in a week, and then he can come here, you two can talk and he said that if everything works out, and if you want to, he’d love for you to come live with him.”

 

For a moment there, Jillian just blinks, not sure how to react to the news. “Oh.”

 

“Is that alright with you?”

 

Good news – she probably isn’t as destitute as she thought she was. Bad news – “Yeah… I just…. I haven’t seen him for almost nine years now.”

 

Mr. Brown nods. “We’ll just see how it all goes, when he gets here, yeah? No pressure. I’m kind of liking having someone in the house who reads…,” he picks up Jillian’s book to read the title, “… _Lectures on Nuclear Models and Nuclear Matter_ for fun.”

 

Jillian smiles. “Thanks. For everything.”

 

He stands up and squeezes her shoulder before heading to the door. “Don’t mention it. I mean, you are practically family, with you having sex with my daughter on a semi-regular basis and all.”

 

———

 

“We should have a date.”

 

“Mhmhh. Sure.”

 

“Holtzy,” Sasha covers one page of the book Jillian is reading with her hand.

 

“I’m actually reading the other page,” but she looks up nevertheless. 

 

“We should go on a date. I mean, we don’t really need to sneak around anymore, so we can jus go on a normal date, out in the open.” Sasha is all smiles and excitement, and she can’t wait to do normal couples’ things with Jillian. 

 

Jillian contemplates the idea for a moment. “Are you sure?”

 

Sasha frowns. “What do you mean, are you sure?”

 

“I mean…” Jillian sighs, thinking of the place way how to put her thoughts into words, and the words in a proper line. “Our parents know, sure. And some of them freaked out more than the others.” This is good. She can joke about it. Kind of. “But are you ready for absolutely everyone to find out? Because if we go on a date, I will kiss you.” She squeezes Sasha’s hand. 

 

“I guess you’re right,” Sasha sighs. “I hate living in a small town full of bigots.” She had figured that she could take Jillian out as a way to make her feel better, make her forget about everything that had happened, even if just for a few moments here and there. 

 

“Oh, but,” Jillian says, now it’s her turn to look excited. “I have an idea. Because I would actually love to take you out on a date.” She gives Sasha a quick kiss. “Soooo, Saturday evening. Wear something comfortable.”

 

Sasha looks all sorts of bewildered, but she knows her girlfriend enough not to question it. 

 

———

 

The brunette waits for Jillian in the living room, as the other girl had instructed a few hours before. The last few days, she has mostly seen her girlfriend either in the backyard or in the garage, always tinkering with something, and always shoo-ing Sasha away. But at the very least she seemed to be excited about something, and that was the important thing. 

 

“Close your eyes,” Jillian appears out of nowhere, or so it seems, a mischievous smile on her face. 

 

Sasha does as she is told, and closes her eyes. A moment later she feels Jillian’s hands on her hips, guiding her. 

 

“You can open your eyes now.” She’s practically bouncing on the spot, her hands still on Sasha’s hips. “I wanted to do something nice for you. I hope you like it.”

 

The whole back yard is filled with tiny lights that looked a lot like Christmas lights, and Sasha could have sworn that the lights were… not blinking, but they were changing somehow, to the beat of the soft music playing in the background. In the middle of the lights is a big blanket, with some food on it. “It’s beautiful. Is this what you have been working on?”

 

“Yep,” Jillian nods and smiles. “I wanted to give you a date nice date night since we never went on an actual date.” She leans her chin onto Sasha’s shoulder from behind and kisses her cheek. “As a thank you for being you. For everything.”

 

“You didn’t…” Sasha smiles and kisses Jillian’s nose. “Thank you. It’s lovely.”

 

“Don’t touch the lights, though. They are a little… um… unstable.” She grins sheepishly and starts to guide Sasha to the blanket. 

 

“Holtzy?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Did you cook?” The worry in her face is apparent. 

 

Jillian chuckles at Sasha’s expression. “No. But I am offended that you would be so worried about it.”

 

“Darling,” Sasha says as she sits down, “you can build something mind blowing out of absolutely nothing, but you can’t cook. I would never even trust you to make a grilled sandwich.” 

 

Jillian wants to argue for a moment there, but in the end figures that Sasha is right. “Well, then good for you that I decided to order some pizza. Prosciutto, basil and mozzarella for you, my lady,” she opens the box and slides it over to Sasha. 

 

Sasha kisses her. “You know me so well.”

 

“You fucking know it,” she winks and opens her own pizza box – chicken, pineapple and red onions. “And,” she opens a basket that’s lying on the side, “I also managed to score us some wine.” She takes out a bottle of white wine and two wine glasses. There’s an all too proud grin on her face, as she presents them to Sasha. 

 

“I hope you are not trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me.”

 

“I don’t think I need to get you drunk to take advantage of you.” There’s an all too smug of a grin on Jillian’s face, as she bites into her pizza. 

 

“Just for that, you are not getting any tonight, my dear.” Sasha wiggles her eyebrows as if to challenge Jillian. 

 

The blond snorts. “Like you’ll be able to resist my wily charms.”

 

Sasha rolls her eyes. “I guess we’ll see,” she grins, and just eats her pizza. 

 

They eat, they drink, they talk, they kiss, and at one point Jillian even tries to charm Sasha by telling her everything she knows of the stars and planets, and they end up lying on the blanket, side by side. 

 

“Is any of that even true?” Sasha asks with a small giggle.

 

“Of course,” Jillian smiles and pauses for a moment. “Maybe. I think some of it is.”

 

“I love you,” Sasha turns a little, so she can kiss the other girl. 

 

“I love you, too,” she murmurs against Sasha’s lips after they pull apart from the kiss. “So,” she starts after a moment, looking up in the sky. “I might be moving in with my dad… No, fuck, that does not sound right at all. How the fuck am I even supposed to call him?”

 

Sasha takes Jillian’s hand into hers and intervenes their fingers. “What’s his first name?”

 

“Donald.”

 

“You can just call him Donald, then.”

 

“Good idea,” Jillian mutters and takes a deep breath. “What about us, though?”

 

“What do you mean?” Sasha brings the blond’s fingers to her lips and kisses them gently. 

 

“I mean… I have no idea where he lives. What if I have to move to Los Angeles, or New York or who knows where, and I will be thousands of miles away from you?” She looks at Sasha, in a way trying to take in all of her in this moment. The way the lights make it seem like she has a glow around her, the way moonlight almost seems to reflect from her eyes, or maybe it’s the other way around… She is her everything, and Jillian isn’t sure if she is ready to lose another piece of herself. 

 

Sasha continues to kiss her fingers for a moment, before answering Jillian’s question. “Then we’ll deal, then we’ll think about it. We can try to do the whole long distance relationship, see if it works. There are people it works for, after all. Or we can break up, and just go back to being friends. But most importantly, I think we have a whole week before he gets here, and we won’t have to make any decisions before then. _You_ won’t need to make any decisions before then.” She kisses the palm of Jillian’s hand. “How does that sound?”

 

Jillian smiles, feeling in a way as if a huge weight has been lifted off her shoulders. “Perfect.” There are other things on her mind, of course there are, because her mind is always running about a million miles a second, but it’s okay. She can talk about them later. For now, there is her, there is Sasha and their date which is only about half way done. “So,” she gets up from the blanket, lifting Sasha up with her, “my lady, what do you say to a dance?”

 

“You know my answer to you is always yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! As always, comments and kudos are much appreciated. 
> 
> You can also find me on tumblr: -dawn-.tumblr.com
> 
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